Welcome to “Is It Ever Okay,” Bon Appétit’s questionable etiquette column. Have a question? Email staff.bonappetit@gmail.com.
Can I refuse the first table offered to me by a host or hostess? I’m talking 6 p.m. on a Wednesday when there are plenty of tables available. —Ill-seated Steph
I think you answered your own question there, Steph. Some restaurants plan tables to a T—and when I was an editor’s assistant I would request certain tables when I made reservations. (The one by the fireplace at The Lamb’s Club, thanks!) However, it’s not what you say but how you say it. Do you sneer and insult the manager, who is also a celebrated local artist, when you ask for “something farther away from the hideous portrait of nude George Costanza”? Have a fantastic time, jerk! Or do you ask so kindly, so warmly, you sound like you’re inviting the host over for dinner yourself? I think you can see the pattern here: BE NICE TO PEOPLE.
Often a waiter will ask if you want anchovies on your Caesar salad, but recently, a restaurant ended up charging me for them (without warning). In this scenario, can you ask for a charge to be taken off the bill? —Negotiable Nadeen
I once heard a story about a rich and powerful man who had this mind-bending superpower: he could convince any waiter to take entire dishes off the bill that he deemed not very good. He’d hand over his credit card and look them in the eye and say, “and go ahead and take that pork chop off the bill—I won’t be paying for that.” Can you imagine having that kind of nerve? I think about that a lot, about being a man. Annnyyway. Informing the server all innocently that you had no idea the anchovies on a Caesar salad would be extra, is fine. Come on, the salad is SUPPOSED to have anchovies. They’d better be free! And if the server stands by the surcharge? Well, I hope the $2 won’t keep you up at night. Global warming should!
When getting out of your seat in a crowded restaurant where the tables are tightly packed, is it better to face your neighbor or to have your butt toward their table? —Michael’s on the Move
Let’s be real: This depends on the size of your butt and where the wine glasses are placed on their table. You can do the math. I personally like to present my ass toward strangers to enhance their meal. It reminds me of when Winnie the Pooh got stuck in Rabbit’s tree and Rabbit puts a frame around his ass and sets a table under it complete with flaming candelabra. Plus, my own friends have seen my butt plenty of times, it wouldn’t be a new or engaging experience for them.
Snack Break!
This marinated manchego is like having a restaurant appetizer, but at home. Which means you can absolutely take the last bite instead of conceding it to your dining companion, who is a well-worn body pillow!
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